I feel like my best friends only want to hang if there’s weed involved, otherwise I’m ignored….This makes me really sad.
I’m really sad and that’s the truth. I wish I could just drop it all and move forward, but this one isn’t going to be that easy. I’m allowing your actions to hurt me and that’s just sad. I just want to smile and mean it again, because I’m the type of girl with a real smile always. Why you alter me will forever be a mystery.
All that I’ve got to say is what a disappointment. I thought you were real, but it was all just a blinded lie. You disgust me. You have no respect for a heart filled with love and undeserving trust. Why I was letting myself fall is beyond me, but im just a dumb girl with I heart full of optimisum, hope, and love. You did not make me cry tonight, but you have killed a part of me today. It’s sad, but very true. I wish more than anything that what I saw was a lie when you walked in the door with another girl. With out a word to me, not even a hello as if I were an invisible body. As if I hadn’t been staying at your home for over 2 weeks straight. As if we weren’t friends, not even as an enemy.Just nothing. Just a worthless piece human. Like the piece of shit you are making me feel like right now. I just wish more than anything that you stops hurting all the females you’re hurting. I’ve seen it happen to a few already and I am once again on that list because I chose to let it happen. Chose to believe that you grew up and had a heart full of love. That all the lovely things you said to me were all beautiful and true, but easily said to the next girl in line to enter the bedroom. I am so upset I let myself believe. To believe in real love and watch the lie slap me dead center in the face. It stings, but I will get by. I am strong. You may be making me weak at the moment, but I will grow from this. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to learn my lesson with you though, because I do love you. This is the truth and I am broken. At this point I’d say that I don’t know that im capable of loving another, but then my optimistic personality slaps me in the face. I just really didn’t want to lose you this time most of all. I didn’t want it to get to this level, because you make me happy whether or not your holding my hand or hers. I could cry right now about this because this is what breaks my heart. I mean nothing to you and you mean so much to my smile. I’m still in my state of shock and disbelief. Nothing is real to me and im scared for the final blow to sink in. I wish this was an illusion and we could lay down in bed together again. My head on your sholder just looking into those beautiful eyes of yours, but it’s over. It never even really started and I was to blind to believe it. I hope my disbelief fades fast because im scared to be easily manipulated. You sway me with your word so fast it’s sad. I see myself as strong and standing tall but im weaker than most lovers. I just wish my love wasn’t real.